Tick, Tock… I Can Hear My Fertility Clock
Two years ago, feels like an alternate universe to life now. Back then I wasn’t preoccupied about time, there were no boundaries and life was carefree. In contrast, now all I can think about is time. I hear the constant ticking of my fertility clock, as my ovaries frantically count the number of eggs I have left. It’s relentless. Now that I have experienced having a child, the need for another has become so much greater. I don’t think I have ever wanted something so much in my life, apart from mum being with us of course.
It’s been nearly 15 months since Leo came into our lives and things really couldn’t be better. If you’ve been reading along, you’d know that Leo wasn’t planned but he was absolutely wanted and needed. There is no doubt in my mind that Leo changed us for the better. He brought us closer, and he challenged us in ways that we could never have imagined.
I am not saying that we’ve glided through unscathed, however the reality for us is overall, we have really enjoyed the beginning of this season of life. Of course, I have had days where I felt exhausted, touched out and frustrated but as time has passed and my confidence has built, I have had less and less of those high pressure days.
The first year of parenthood is such a whirlwind of change. Physically, emotionally, and mentally you are put through the toughest obstacle course of your life. Like a contortionist, you bend and twist and turn, trying every position to get it right. The truth is though, there is no right way or answer. And once you figure that out, the pressure seems to ease.
For me, much like the distant memory of childbirth, the sleepless nights, long days, round the clock feeds and 30 minute naps are almost forgotten. I guess your brain must forget about the struggles for you to dive back in again and that’s where my head is at.
It won’t come as a surprise to the people close to us that we would like to build our family, but when is the right time? Overall it appears the golden rule is to wait at least eighteen months after having a caesarean to allow for my body to recover. When speaking with my GP they felt that starting earlier wouldn’t be an issue. As for my feelings, timing is such a personal decision, and the decision needs to be right for your family and your family alone.
Like many women in their 30s, I feel the pressure of time. With age brings a host of scary possible realities, such as genetic disorders, pregnancy complications and miscarriage to name a few. More than I ever thought, these heightened risk factors concern me. I also worry that because I am 35, that I will find it much harder to conceive this time around.
One of the factors which had me putting off trying to conceive is that I was waiting for my menstrual cycle to achieve some regularity. At 13 months postpartum my period appeared again and since then I have had two cycles which have been consistent in length. I still feel though that my body may not be quite ready yet.
My mind is a whirlwind of ovulation, testing, timings and the future. I can say without a doubt, I preferred the conception planning phase with Leo, because there wasn’t any, and the pressure was truly off. My husband has told me I am a little fixated and yes that might be true, however I can’t be alone, right? I am so grateful for the beautiful boy we have and that I even got this opportunity to conceive one baby but I can’t help feeling as though there is room in our little family for even just one more.
To our baby to be, I hope this conception journey is kind to us and doesn’t make us wait too long to meet you. Your welcome party is here waiting for you. We love you already little one. Love mum, dad and Leo.