A Postpartum Wish List
It feels like a lifetime ago since we brought our little Leo home. It was a cold winter’s afternoon in June, the air was crisp, and it was lightly drizzling. Aaron was so cautious driving the car in the rain, I remember saying it out loud to him and us laughing. In those early days we both were so tender and impressionable. It is difficult to say if we were fuelled with excitement or nervousness to take on our new roles.
I was however wonderfully surprised of how we slid into becoming parents, and how much I had found my calling. What I wasn’t prepared for was navigating the world around us. In particular, how I would cope with putting my needs first, seemingly a task which I find really difficult at the best of times.
I know it can take a village to care for a child, but for me, I feel as though the first few weeks are so precious. A time for mother and child to bond, the family unit to come together and slowly make their way out into the world. I have spoken to many first-time mothers about how they have also struggled with these pressures and the mental load it placed on them.
While welcoming a new baby into the world is a joyous moment for all, the mother’s needs can be forgotten. Let’s not forget the physical, mental, and emotional changes she has gone through to deliver her newborn and the transformation that follows. She is in a state of uncertainty, survival, recovery, and growth. The world as she knew it has changed forever and the most important thing you can do is listen to her.
This time, I will be doing things differently. So, here’s my wish list and one which you can draw on too.
Limited visits for the first forty days
The first forty days is a period where the postpartum mother should rest, heal, and bond with her baby. It’s a beautiful and sacred time that needs to be respected and cherished. For my postpartum journey, I will see how I feel over these short weeks and if I am open to visits, I will reach out. If I choose not to have visits during this time or say no to a visit, it’s because I need this time to step into my role at my pace. When I am ready to let you in, I will let you know.
Always come with support in mind
When the time is right to come over, please don’t expect me to host. I will not have the capacity. Come with offerings of help. A coffee, a meal, or a helping hand. I was wonderfully surprised when a couple of my girlfriends arrived with afternoon tea when Leo was born. One immediately went to work in my kitchen, making teas and coffee for everyone. I always think back to that moment with tears in my eyes and how it was so lovely for me to relax.
Wait to be asked to hold the baby
As a new mum, all you want to do is relax into your role, snuggle, and cuddle and enjoy the moment. It is yours and only lasts such a small amount of time. When we are ready for you to hold our baby, we will let you know. Instead of holding her, if you see a pile of laundry, you could fold it, or do the dishes. These simple tasks, while not as fun, will make life easier for me and will undoubtedly be appreciated.
Only give advice when asked
Postpartum is an emotional rollercoaster, with the first few weeks usually challenging, sleep deprivation, and unexpected emotions. If how I do things is different to you, it really doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear your thoughts on breast feeding, formula, rest and who I should have in my home. These are my decisions. If I ask for help, of course, please let me know your thoughts. Outside of that, it’s not your place to make me doubt myself.
Keep visits short
If you come and stay, please don’t stay too long. Come briefly in and recognise that I need my rest. My recovery is important so that I can look after my baby and be the best mother I can be.
Stay at home if you’re sick or aren’t vaccinated
And finally, it is important to respect the parents wishes when visiting the baby. If you have a cold, check in with mum and dad to make sure they are comfortable with visits. Don’t be offended if you’re asked not to come as some families may be more immune compromised than others.
Vaccinations are also important to some parents. For us, we are asking anyone who wants to meet our baby to have their whooping cough vaccination. If you don’t want to, that’s okay! We just ask that you do not visit until our baby is immuniased.
If you found this helpful, comment below. I have also added a tile on my Instagram page that you can share with family if you are preparing for a new Baby’s arrival and want to be clear about your wishes. Remember Mumma, you have the right to set boundaries. If the people around you love you, and care about you, they will respect what you ask of them.