How I Navigated the First 12 Months of Motherhood

On Friday Leo turned one and for the month leading up to this monumental milestone, I have experienced every emotion under the sun. And by all accounts, its normal to feel this way, or at least that’s what everyone tells me.

There’s joy for the little person we created together (and kept alive). There’s excitement watching him grow and develop, becoming his own person. Then there’s the BIG one… sadness. A deeply sad realisation that time is fleeting and Leo’s never going to be this little again. I wasn’t prepared for the one-year-old blues.

These emotions have led to deep reflections. I realise now that my worries prior to giving birth were trivial. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope changing nappies, starting solids, dealing with sickness and sleep. These however were a lot simpler to navigate, and I have surprised myself with how naturally I have adapted.

Amongst all of this, the greatest things I have discovered are about myself. I didn’t research childbirth and postpartum because that’s just not who I am. In life I work best under pressure and fly by the seat of my pants. Besides, as I figured it, everyone’s journey is so different so I thought I would go with the flow. Taking this approach has helped me but sometimes I wish I had my mum to talk through what has been happening to me.

Becoming a new mum isn’t easy. It’s a complete identity shift and its life changing. I feel more at peace with myself, but also more sensitive to the world around me. I have become hyper aware of my own mortality and I feel such a deep connection to my baby. I can’t imagine a world without us both in it. My heart also feels bigger and the love that I feel for my son leaves it aching. How can I love a person so much?

These feelings have made me reflect on the past year and the things that worked for me and what I wish I knew before embarking on this epic journey. To all the mums and mums to be, I hope the below helps you on your journey.  

1 —

Seek support from a postnatal doula

This saved me thanks to a gift from a thoughtful friend. Having a doula’s support was invaluable. She offered a safe place for me to vent and give myself time to just be me. A doula can help anyone, even someone with the most amazing, hands-on family. I will 100 per cent be contacting my doula again for baby number two.

2 —

Accept your birth

At first, I was saddened that I couldn’t have a vaginal birth after so many hours labouring. But I decided I was not going to let this influence me. A safe birth is the best birth. And a birth is still a birth whether you have your baby vaginally or via c-section. I feel like my decision to accept the outcome lay the foundation for a happy postpartum period.

3 —

Be prepared to feel deep sadness

Different from the baby blues, most women will feel deep sadness a few days following the delivery of their baby. It is believed to be a sudden drop in hormone levels. Be prepared to cry for no reason. Tell your loved ones how you feel, it will truly help them understand and give you the support you need.

4 —

See a lactation consultant early

There is a misconception amongst first time mums that breastfeeding is easy, however its not. It was for me the hardest thing to master. The list of issues you may confront is endless and every person seems to have different ones. Because of this, I would strongly recommend seeking the support of a consultant prior to giving birth, that is if you intend on breastfeeding. Book an appointment for a few weeks after your due date. Trust me, the professionals know what they’re talking about!

5 —

Shower and dress each morning

This is a BIG one and probably the other key player in my positive postpartum journey. If you shower and dress each day, the chances of you leaving the house go up two-fold. Leaving the house means fresh air, exercise, a takeaway coffee and naptime for your little one. In the beginning, I would plan a walk around the time that Leo would nap. I would use this time to go to the shops, listen to a podcast and move my body.

6 —

Visit a pelvic health physio prior to attempting exercise

Before giving birth, I enjoyed running and Irish dancing. Both activities require a significant amount of jumping so it was pivotal that I got my pelvic health assessed. Don’t start doing anything until you have had an assessment. This could put you back months in your recovery.

7 —

Incorporate bottle feeds

There is a lot of debate on this point, but in my experience, I found this to work if you intend on having flexibility and time to yourself. My intention was to exclusively breastfeed however due to significant nipple trauma in the first few days, I had to express and bottle feed. Once my nipples healed, I continued to do a combination of both and wow it was a gamechanger. I am still breastfeeding at 12 months but during that time I have been able to give my husband the tools to feed Leo when I couldn’t be there for a couple of hours or a night away with friends.  

8 —

Enjoy the new-born snuggles

After years of being on the go, it felt so foreign to be nap trapped. I struggled with this part of motherhood as a person who is always doing things. I am very active and if I stay at home, I feel like I am being lazy, which I know is ridiculous. As motherhood has continued, I now appreciate the still moments and couch cuddles. If I get the honour of having another, I will be taking advantage of this stage more.

9 —

Set boundaries with family and friends

This is a gentle reminder to set boundaries early. The people close to you may forget about your needs amongst the excitement of a new baby, however this time is about you and your significant other. As a very private person, I like my own space and needed time to process and heal. Entertaining guests was not a priority. So if you’re like me, tell friends and family in advance and ensure everyone is on the same page. It is okay not to want people over immediately.

10 —

Have you time

Whatever this is, a walk, a facemask, a book or meditation… just do it! Schedule it in with your partner. You need this more than you realise. It might seem too much at the time but once you do it, you’ll be setting yourself up for the rest if the day.

11 —

Bring your baby out with you

As a person who has struggled with trauma, I made a decision before having my baby to make sure I got out every day. From day one, I started walking. I had my sister staying with me for the first week and my dad came daily. They would push the pram as I walked. It was hard at first but every time I finished a walk, I felt more and more like myself. After a sleepless night, a walk would uplift me. We would get coffee, debrief and I would feel fresh again. If you can’t motivate yourself, find an accountability buddy.

12 —

Its okay not to know who you are

I’m still uncertain about who I am and that’s okay. The more we lean into our new role and how it has changed us, the better we can adapt. Don’t be scared Mumma, you’ve got this!