Do You Miss Me? Of Course, Just Not Enough

Have you watched the trending reel where a woman’s past self is asking her motherhood self whether she misses her? It’s gotten me thinking, why are we so resistant to change? Why are we longing for our old self so much?

During my pregnancy, my obsession with bouncing back was all consuming. Instead of enjoying the journey of growing a little human, I focused on my changing body and whether I would get back to the person I was before. The snapback culture is real and lives in our mind, the media and even amongst our inner circles. Its hard to escape, particularly when you’re so vulnerable.

Don’t get me wrong, I eagerly welcomed colleagues, friends, and family commenting that I was looking good but there’s something wrong with the importance we place upon it. Tell me why society is more worried about how we look rather than how we feel?

My ambition post birth was to drop my pregnancy weight and get back to being me or whatever that meant at the time. I was running at nine weeks postpartum and throwing myself into fitness for all the wrong reasons. Looking good was at the top of my whys and I hate that this reasoning continues to dictate my behaviour.

I wanted to be there for friends and family, showing up to events and trying my hardest to juggle motherhood and relationships. There was so much pressure at the time, and I wish I had of been better at making space for myself and creating boundaries. It was an emotional rollercoaster with lots of growth and learnings which I will bring to my next pregnancy.

In hindsight I wish I embraced the change and realised that this journey would take me closer to the person that I need to be for myself and my family. Until you are in the depths of motherhood, you’re not privy to truly understanding what this change does to you and the rebirth that occurs.

After 12 months of being a mother, I look at myself differently. My mind and body have changed. The way I view the world has changed. The way I operate day to day has changed. My priorities have changed. I still have my moments where I lapse into self-doubt, but they happen less often.

Human beings are hardwired to resist change. When change happens, the brain interprets it as a threat and goes into fight or flight. Without us even realising, our bodies are protecting us from change.

But what if we leaned into change? What if we saw it as a positive, an evolution or transformation of our mind, body, and soul.  

Let’s look at it from the perspective of a job. When a business or organisation is met with change, strategies can be put in place which can overcome psychological barriers and open our minds to what is possible.

I challenge you to think about where you are now and then where you want to be. If you were a business, it would not be profitable to not evolve and move with the times. If a business was unchanging, it would likely go bust. Are you ready to lean in your change?

Three steps to help you lean into change:

1 —

Acknowledgement - Chronic discontent in the way things are

Understanding your discontent can be the driving force to changing your life. Discontent may come in the form of anger, comparing yourself to others or gratification from others.

My discontent sprouted from a frustration of not feeling like my old self. I was regularly reviewing motherhood me to the way I was. Once I realised this was the reason for my discontent, I started to change my inner voice. I started catching myself and reframing how I saw me.

2 —

Visualisation - A positive vision of the future

Positivity can be mistaken for being unrealistic. It is the ability to take an experience and learn a lesson from it. I believe that everything happens for a reason and is there to challenge us, and in turn support our inner growth.

For me, visualisation takes the form of a vision board however, there is a plethora of ways you can visualise the future that you want such as Pinterest, flow charts or spreadsheets. I enjoy the process of vision boarding because you select images that you’re drawn to and at the end of the exercise, you have a visual representation that you can go back to each day to keep you on track.     

3 —

Habits – Create routines to make your vision a reality!

Once you have visualised your future, create habits that will produce your desired reality. Remember, a healthy habit takes 30 days to cement. Start small so that you do not overwhelm yourself.

So, what are you waiting for? Don’t wait for a Monday and lean into your change right now. Your future self is calling you.